


Finding One's Flame

by Neshtaswritings



Category: World of Warcraft
Genre: abuse mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-24
Updated: 2017-08-23
Packaged: 2018-12-19 05:47:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11891298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Neshtaswritings/pseuds/Neshtaswritings
Summary: Snowlily Thunderfoot starts her journey to regain her magic.





	1. Chapter 1

Snowlily flung the door to her study open, storming in. The events of just a few hours ago still burned in her mind. She’d just performed first aid measures on Remus’ wounds. It was a small miracle that he was still alive. A miracle given by ShuCai…Snow was still wearing her surgery garb when she left to brood in her private study. She slammed the door shut. Groaning and running her paws through her hair, leaving the pearlescent locks bloody. She looked up then sighed, stripping off her gloves and tossing them in a waste bin. She looked around the room, books lined the shelves on the walls, and her desk was piled with papers and scrolls.

Panting heavily, Snow tried her hardest to regain her composure, to slip back on the mask she always wore. The mask of the smiling maiden, kind, soft, and gentle. Everything that Snowlily wanted to be. Everything she knew she wasn’t. Everything that she wanted others to see her as. She felt her rage boiling inside her, her regret threatened to consume her. What she said to Anna, how mean she was! Was that what Snowlily really was deep down!? She thought about the trap that was set. How could she be so blind!? CLEARLY ShuCai was the target of all this! She let out a yell as she threw a book at the wall, hearing the satisfying thump as it struck one of the book cases. OF COURSE the cubs were the distraction, celestials damn it! She should have seen this all!

Because of Snow’s weakness, because of her blindness, ShuCai was gone now! The man who had given SO much to her, who had done so much for her clan….and THIS is how she repays him!? Failure and folly!? Snow shut her eyes, breathing heavily, she felt the tears sting. She leaned over and placed her paws on her desk, crumpling papers as she balled them into fists. She let out a growl as the severity of what happened hit her. ShuCai was gone, the clan was vulnerable, and it was all HER fault. Snowlily screamed, letting out a cry of primal anger. She grabbed her desk and upended it; sending papers, scrolls, and vials scattering the floor. She flew into a rage, letting her anger and sorrow consume her. She smashed what she could, barely feeling the impact of her paws on her shelves as she pushed them over. She tossed a flower pot again a wall, hearing the gleeful shattering sounds. She fell to her knees, smashing her paws on the floor, tossing papers aside like leaves in the wind. She kept pounding at the floor, crying and sobbing. She curled up in a ball, her face in her paws as she cried. Silence settled over her as she just laid there, trying her hardest to regain her composure, to find her will again. She’d failed as she always does, as she always will. How could anyone rely on her when she keeps failing those she loves!? She could not fight off the despair, the feeling that she deserved what her parents did to her.

Snowlily could not help but feel her faith drain away, faith in herself. She couldn’t do this anymore; she had nothing to help her clan with. Nothing. It was all an illusion, a façade. Snowlily knew nothing and could help no one. She had been trying to salvage something from her lose. She’d tried to connect with the light and offer it up as a beacon of hope for her clan. But the truth was obvious: she was a leech on her people. She was the worst of her kind, a broken, monstrous thing. Snow cried into her paws again. Suddenly, a loud thump roused her from her despair. She glance up to see that her spellbook had fallen off of one of the shelves, pushed loose from her tantrum. She crawled over to it, placing her paws on the cover. She gently traced the designs with a claw. She remembered how she used to feel: Empowered, confident, her power coming from herself, from her mind not her faith and will. Snow knew that her mind was different from some. Sorrow often gripped her, as did doubt, likely from her fractured past. She could not rely on her will….she had to, for her clan; she HAD to regain this old power of hers. Snowlily Thunderfoot had to find her flame again.


	2. A simple moment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Snow continues to research a means to regain her magic.

Snowlily was obsessed with her new revelation. She sat on the floor of her study, the books of most use gathered around her in piles. The lanterns on the walls have all been lit, bathing the room in warm glowing light. She poured over the tomes she had, many, many books collected over the years that spanned many subjects. Snowlily was still wearing her surgical robes: white silk garments with long, tight sleeves and long skirts. She hadn’t even bothered to clean herself up, or change, she was just focused on her studies. Just hours ago, her clan suffered a major defeat, but with that loss came new hope. With her sorrow and misery, Snowlily found a new avenue to possible regain her old powers.

Hours later, far late into the night, Snowlily’s ears perked as she heard a knock at her door. She glanced up from the book she had her nose buried in.  
“Ah, who is it?” She asked with a tilt of her head. After a moment’s pause, Geng’s voice came through the door.  
“It is your husband, my flower.” Snow smiled as she got up from her seat, coming over to open the door. The sight that greeted GengLei was bracing: Snowlily looked haggard, tired, and worn down. Her fur was sticking out in places at odd angles, her kohl had run down her cheeks from all the crying she’d been doing, and she had a streak of blood in her hair! GengLei had to fight the urge to gulp at the sight. “Snowlily, I heard what happened, and I thought maybe you needed some time, you look horribly tired my flower, you need rest, food.” He said as he shifted into the calm tone he usually took with Snowlily.

Snow reached up to touch her hair, and then gasped “Oh! It’s not my blood! And ah, I must look a fright!” She sighed, shaking her head. “You are right my love…Perhaps I could use a meal and bath.” GengLei nodded and turned to go, he felt Snow’s paw gently grab his arm. “Geng…I know this is less than proper…but I don’t want to be alone.” She said weakly, her ears pinned back and she gave him ‘that face’ the look that would melt the mountain’s best defences. He sighed and nodded.  
“Of course flower, come on, I’ll take care of everything.” Snow sagged into his arms, letting Geng lead them to their room. He had the servants bring up one of the portable tubs, filling it with hot, scented water. He made sure that a tray of food was brought up as well. GengLei sat by the door, as if guarding her.

Once they were alone Snowlily slipped off her robes and stepped into the bath letting out a moan of pleasure as she felt the hot water ease her body and mind. She started to clean herself, taking breaks to nom on a morsel of food. She knew that Geng was making sure she’d eat. After a long time of this he finally spoke up. “And what has my flower so occupied with books?” Snow’s ears perked up at his question, she turned in the tub to face him, not showing anything immodest of course.  
“I am….I want to find a way to regain my magic, love.” She said a bit sheepishly, she knew how little GengLei cared for all this…stuff. “I know you don’t want to hear this, but the light is too…slippery for my mind to grasp, it requires such will. Not just strength of spirit, nor faith in the celestials, but also a deep faith and belief in yourself…” She sank a bit into the tub “I don’t think…I can have that, I just don’t think my mind is built to handle the light, but the flame. Magic. I know my mind is made for it! I must follow my path.” Genglei listened with patience, simply shifting in his seat.  
“As long as you do nothing dangerous to achieve this…I can do nothing but support you flower.” He said after a few moments of silence. Snow beamed, she fought the urge to leap at him and hug her husband.  
“I…thank you my love. Now that I am all clean, why don’t we…” She waggled her brow, slipping out of the tub and behind the changing screen in a flash. She carefully and slowly combed her fur dry.

GengLei smiled as he took off his casuals, flopping onto the bed as his wife finished her grooming. She came out from the changing screen, wearing a barely covering piece of lingerie. A dark purple teddy with delicate lace, she must have ordered it from the human city. His wife really did like embracing other cultures. There was never a time when he was more accepting of this than these moments! He smiled dumbly and patted the spot next to him. Snowlily crawled onto the bed, grinning like a fox tracking a rabbit. She laid herself next to him, feeling his heart beat as he gathered her up into his arms. “It’s been a long time since we’ve had a night for ourselves my love.” Genglei said, before he could lean down to kiss her, he realized that she’d fallen asleep with her face buried in his chest. GengLei sighed, hugging her tighter. “Well….mountains are known for being patient…”


	3. Gasping for breath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was the last in a series of stories that led up to a guild event centering around Snowlily getting her magical skills back. There was no conclusion for this, but I'm posting these because I want to have all my stories up on here.

Snowlily huffed as she placed her paws on her hips, surveying her work. She has moved and unpacked all of the crates supplied by the Jade Serpent temple herself. She felt wrong asking others for help doing this task. She was the chief healer of the clan, and it was her responsibility to get their new medical center up and running. They had been offered one of the small buildings to convert into a medical center, and of course, Snow offered her healing services to everyone in the village. She had spent the morning sweeping and cleaning the interior of the building, and was able to find some tile to set down on the floor. This allowed her to creat a clean as space as possible. She also had a villager kindly offer to help her install a few shelves for storage. The day had already been long and full of work before she even began to set all the supplies in place. As Snowlily worked, she tried not to think of what just happened, about the chaos and the flames. She felt shame wash over her as she remembered just how much she froze up during that crisis. Meanwhile, her husband was cool, calm, and collected. She sighed as she jotted out a simply inventory on the healing supplies donated to them. GengLei was, in some way, many things Snowlily wanted to be. He truly was an amazing husband, and a wonderful man. She hated that he had to go through all this, and wished there was some way she could ensure that her husband never had to deal with hardship again.

Snow and Feishe had departed from their temporary home and journeyed to the Jade Serpent temple two days ago. She had wished she had her magic, so they could have simply teleported there, but that was beside the point. The travel was pleasant enough; Feishe is a wonderful person to spend time with. Snowlily found herself desiring her presence whenever things started to get dire. Feishe was young, but so wise, and so very strong-minded. This time however, Feishe seemed troubled, but how could she not? The events of the past few days have been trying for everyone in the clan. The Thunderfoots were all but broken, and they sat on the precipice of destruction. But they will continue on. Snowlily is the matron of the Thunderfoot clan, and she will never give up on it. She had to keep working, and fighting for her family. Soon, they would prevail, and soon they would have the time needed to heal. Snowlily mused over these memories as she set aside a bundle of bandages on a shelf. She smiled as she remembered the quartermaster of the temple, a jolly fellow named Ping. He was an amicable sort, and he had a shrewd mind for business. Snowlily had remembered that his reputation preceded him. After some fairly spirited haggling, she had brokered a decent deal: A few acolytes of the temple to aid in the healing of the clan, and a few crates of medical supplies. It was not everything they needed, but it would be enough to get them by for the time being.

Snowlily sat on one of the now-empty crates. She sighed and drew herself up into the lotus position. She’d been trying to focus herself lately, and meditation was always the best means to that end. Her mind and spirit felt like they were North and South, she felt so…disconnected from herself. Lately, she felt as if the light was further and further away. And she never wanted to bring it up, be she’s been getting tired more and more easily. She groaned as she straightened her back, and taking deep breaths. She let her mind sink back into the depths of nothingness. It wasn’t a state she liked to be in often. When she let go of all conscious thought, all that was left was her worries. The constant worry that one day, eventually, everyone who loved her would realize how worthless she was. And finally leave her as she always feared. She took another cleansing breath and fought to let those thoughts go.

As her mind slipped away, she could start to make out something….slowly her world became a cloud of incomprehensible colours. She didn’t know whether this was a vision or reality. It felt so real, even if the surroundings were all but impossible. She felt as if this place was….familiar. She also felt as if there was something important about this place, like she was connected to it somehow. She looked around, and the void seemed to stretch on for infinity. Snowlily got to her feet, but realized that she was indeed floating in this void. Suddenly, she saw flashes of…Pandaria? Her home! Her family! She tried to call out to them, flailing her arms to try and reach them, but they were SO far away and growing farther by the second. She tried to make out the images, and could swear that…she saw herself there too! The images of her home flashed before her and flickered in and out of sight. As Snowlily looked down at herself, she could see she was…made of flames!? As if she was, herself, pure energy. She gasped and cried out! Feeling her mind pulled back out of this place.

Gasping for breath, Snow fell off the crate with a loud thump. She groaned and sat up, rubbing her hip and sighing to herself. She tried to interpret what she just saw…what…was that? She was somewhere. Somewhere she’s been before, she struggled to remember where though, and as she continued to dwell on it, the vision slowly faded from her mind. She leaned back against the crate she fell from, stretching out her legs and continuing to rub sore spot. She felt exhausted, completely drained of energy. She tried to gather herself back together, but she felt so weak, so tired. She leaned her head against the crate and looked up at the ceiling. “Is this what aging feels like? It can’t just be that…” she said aloud to no one in particular.


End file.
